I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me. – Cheryl Strayed, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail.

This is my oldest baby Tickles and doesn’t she look amazing as a deer ! It was difficult to keep my baby in place while snapchat filter was working but it was worth it.

I know it’s Wednesday but I am ready for Friday as I am exhausted and I feel I have no more to give but I keep moving. Things with deadlines is the current theme of my life. In order to achieve something one has to push themselves beyond the limit. So work, work, work and more work. I have been going up and down the east coast (mainly to NYC) to work with Paula and though I take Acela it’s still tiresome and my head is swimming in numbers and I am proud of my spreadsheet which now is at 31,700 rows;

Went to Rogue One with Robbie the other night and the movie was fantastic ! must watch ! Robbie texted me Monday morning and is like, “I wanted to surprise you with a nice dinner as well, but I am not sure if this restaurant would have something for you, because you know, you eat Rabbit food. So here’s the website and go and see if they have something for you”. I chuckled at this but I was a little happy that he cared. Original plan was we will have dinner and then Rogue One and then he will come to my place and hang out and we will watch another movie or something on Netflix. But while we were at dinner, he got a text and that he needs to be at work by 6 or so and so he had to leave. In the meantime, I actually slaved and tried to cleanup (as my maid has gone on vacation) as Robbie has allergies and by the time Robbie came to pick me up, my lungs have actually shut off and I had to use my rescue inhaler and even then it was hard and I kept chewing ginger. Robbie was like, “I can hear your lungs and you are breathing like Darth Vader”. Really dude ? And oh, half the night he made fun of my accent as he thought it was adorable the way I say“chipotle”.  Don’t ask.

I like chatting with him because he talks like an adult and he has substance. No nonsense and no BS. He enlightened me on the soviet forced labor camp system as he is currently reading the “Gulag Archipelago” by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. I bought him books “slouching towards Bethlehem” by Joan Didion and “On the Road” by Kerouac. We discussed gender identities, liberal tolerance or lack there of, and adult content on internet.

We went into a detailed discussion as recently someone mentioned that about 30% of the internet traffic is adult content (porno) and this in context of Bible on internet viz. reading or promoting Bible related content. It was a second or third time I heard this person say it and I kept forgetting to check it up as it was a bit surprising to me about the numbers and so I decided I would enlist Robbie to dig into it a bit as well because you know, data points. I mean, I have no doubt there are searches of the adult content but I am a skeptical that it would be the most searched or visited on internet as of today, as internet offers a lot more than porno and so I have my doubts as to the validity of his claim and plus sex is a passé thing and no longer a topic of interest for many people or a taboo and I as a scientist have no filters or taboos and I hangout with many people; and so i thought I would research into it just to satiate my academic curiosity probably when I have  a bit more free time. And I also wondered why he is looking at that 30% when he should be looking at the 70%. Human nature is carnal and no one can do anything about it. I am always skeptical when someone says things like we must defend God or Bible; here’s news for you; God or Bible doesn’t need us to defend. God can take care of himself. But scientist that I am, I rely on data and hopefully Robbie will also bring in some data and it may be while as we can’t do this research at work as you know NSFW. And so far my preliminary research already pointing to my hypothesis.

Speaking of me being scientist, I am happy to report ginger studies are going well and my co-worker today informed me that her sister took ginger and sent a special thanks to me as her phlegm became clearer. Here’s something health related now that we are in flu season. Viral infection isn’t bad in itself but the bacterial infection which usually follows it can be deadly. One can tell by the color of the phlegm which one needs to examine whenever one coughs, or blows nose, etc. when it’s yellow its viral, when it’s green it’s bacterial and you must get antibiotics for that one esp if you have compromised lungs like mine.

Yesterday night I was working on these financials with Paula and I was still wheezing (it was very bad) and this morning she called me and texted me and was very worried when I immediately didn’t pick up the phone call and tonight while we were having our meeting, she is like “Shanthi, I apologize for this but you must give me a friend or neighbor’s phone number as you live alone and you have this breathing problem and so I am worried and you sounded so bad and I wanted to check up on you and don’t make me drive down”. I felt so bad for her and I was like I am so so sorry.

Finally the year is coming to an end and yay to that. My new year will be with me ditching dairy products as I suspect my cheese eating habits are contributing to my asthmatic episode and in any event I am currently recording my food type intake data.

The other night I was waiting for the train to go home and the platform is almost empty and I had a killer song playing in my ears and so I started very innocently enough to swing and jive and soon another boy joined me and then we were hip hopping on the platform till the train came and the ticket guy (who says hello to me) was telling me the next evening “I saw you dancing”… I so need to act my age !

I had the pleasure of meeting this librarian/curator who worked on the books and whose work I was actually doing. When my boss told me that she would be coming for a visit, I thought for sure she is gonna whoop my butt because I touched her books. I am very possessive about books and cats and so I naturally understand her. She was a delight ! A Romanian by birth and she and I bonded and got along pretty well and I even made her cry as I was curious about her life and she was only too happy to share her life which was sad at points and so….. I felt like a heel and wanted to slap myself for making her cry. But life, you know, sucks in general. She was a memorable experience and it is true there is wisdom in talking to older people and my boss thinks that she is humble and I beg to differ. See some people get jobs to make money and some people work for their personal pleasure and she and I are alike in that area and so we don’t care much about the titles of the people who would stand in our way to do our job and she told me tales as to that. We giggled like school girls about these different languages and how we started picking up the words even though we don’t know the language and oh, the pleasure of reading these English Creole and French Creole books. Awesome !! She and I are now making plans to visit each other so we can go to museums and such and I know I would love my time with her. Trying to persuade her to move to Philly to be close to me as I miss my mother and I need someone to dote on and hug.

And then the best thing happened. Goodnews girl brought over her father who was visiting our work place and she brings him over and introduces me as “my greatest friend” and she bumped up the adjective from “my best friend” to “my greatest friend” and I am still trying to figure out why we became so close. Of course they also got to meet my beautiful librarian and she also showed and explained some of our exhibits.

Anyway Christmas is almost here and I have a very empty calendar as I turned down all the invites and am planning to get glued to my bed with a book except when I am performing ballet. Tomorrow evening I am interviewing another person for my housekeeper position and I have no clue why it’s so hard to understand this point. Wash my bedsheets, towels in hot water and everything else in cold water. My maid didn’t get this and I even taped it to the washer. After the interview I think I have a dinner with a friend and I am secretly hoping that it would fall through so I can go and get a thought deep tissue massage.

I am eagerly looking forward to next year and new things and wondering when I should inform Robbie that I don’t do premarital sex and wondering when I should invite him to church. Anyway, I should empty out all the intense things out of me and just fill myself up with pretty pretty colourful things and then burst into a million little stars and coat the world with my brilliance and for once, forget the darkness which lurks on the threshold.