I thought I lost you because they buried you under six feet. I stood there willing myself to sink into the ground along with you as I thought how claustrophobic you must feel. I would have dug you up and poured my soul into you if I could, as I felt becoming numb and losing my identity along with you.
I lost you and I did worse things to myself and I know you would have royally freaked out. I just wanted to feel something, anything other than this memory of an ache, which sits there quietly and not go away. You just weren’t there anymore and I felt a big hole in my chest. You weren’t there when I woke up wanting coffee; you weren’t there when I read something clever and I wanted to share it with you; you weren’t there when I wanted to email you to drop by a restaurant and pick up dinner; you weren’t there when I wanted to sext your brains out; you weren’t there with your hair tossing, and frowning when you are trying to figure a chemistry problem; you weren’t there with your smile and your warmth when I was in pain;
I missed you and I ached for you and then I found you again when I met your friend by chance in a train. You touched so many hearts and also made them ache. You gave so many warm memories to so many people and the affection with which your friend talked about you made my heart beat again. You are the reason, I am stronger, patient and kinder and you taught me to not hold myself back and to excel. I miss you more than I can express in any words; I miss you more than any poems I can write about you. I will keep on living to make sure you aren’t forgotten and I will make sure your dreams will come true. This is the best I can do to make you immortal.
Happy Birthday my angel… I still haven’t forgotten you. It’s hard to forget someone, with whom you have imagined spending forever. Needless to say, our kitty babies and I are still lost without you. Love you always.