“Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much;”  Luke 7:47

I have been unhappy kitten lately; too many distractions, too much of heart ache;

My Sabbath rules are, once home (now a days, I barely get in before Sun goes down) I switch off my phone’s email notifications, mute my phone, feed my kids and just sit down for Sabbath devotional, and usually have a light meal and go to bed.

Last night it so happened, I didn’t mute my ringer as sometimes I forget. I woke up to my phone ringing around 1 a.m. and I answered. This was from a guy I met a month or so ago at the trolley stop and he and I were chatting and he seemed very depressed and so I told him to call me when he feels down and if he needed someone to talk to. Well it was him and he was suicidal and he said before he “offed” himself he was looking at his contacts to say good bye to one person and I was it. I never did this before. I mean, talk to someone who was suicidal and so I wasn’t sure what to talk, but I was trying to get dressed to go to him, (I don’t know where he lives) and kept saying, talk to me, talk to me,….

It took me till approx.. 4:30 in the morning chatting with him, with half of t-shirt on, and with no pants, just sitting on the floor with open Bible (to give me strength) telling him to just talk to me and that I’ll listen and I listened…. I have been in traumatic situations before, but not like this. Well, I promised him I will talk to him whenever he would like, and to go to church with me. I talked to him after the church today and he was feeling a bit embarrassed but he is okay.

I am exhausted really, emotionally depleted but I am content.

We are almost into the season of Thanksgiving and it is good to remember all the good things God has done for us. And I am laying him and his depression at His feet.

Today I was supposed to attend services at a center city church as a speaker who is passionate about health message was speaking and I wanted to check his message out to make sure it is aligned with Adventist health message, so I can invite him to my church next year. But as I woke up late after my late night call, I went for the main service and found no parking in the city, so I went back to my church for worship. Today’s message was about Grace. (Luke 7:36-47) Story of Mary who spent huge amount of money on this fragranced precious oil which she poured on Jesus’ feet. She washed his feet with tears of joy for Jesus freed her from her bondage to sin !

Pastor talked about how most of us stop at making Jesus as our Savior and never the Lord of our lives. That we love to talk about John 3:16 and I Corinthian 13 and how we always say we are saved by Grace… but we never make Jesus as our Lord to mold our lives and to live our lives for His Glory. And to be accountable to Jesus with what we do in our lives.

Today was communion day as well. Our church doesn’t do communion every week or every month… we do it once every 13 weeks as it is a huge responsibility and not to be taken lightly. So I decided I won’t take communion as I wasn’t sure if my heart was evil free with regards to my current job stuff.

Jack, my Sabbath school teacher came over and asked me why I am not going downstairs for foot washing. My entire church family is in fact praying for me so God would give me discernment in regards to the current job situation and Jack has told me he specifically prays for me at 4:15 a.m. and at 6:30 p.m. And he is my mentor. (I have two Jacks as friends; the one from church and the other is from gym). I told him and he said, “Shanthi, you have a teachable spirit and you don’t have rebellious spirit. You want to be right with God, do it after you do the foot washing. Ask Him to search your heart and point things out and get right with God and ask Him how He sees you.” After foot washing, I prayed for forgiveness and I know for a fact, I made the right decision to not take the job even though I came to love some people, but putting myself there would be harmful for my christian life. (Psalms 1:1)

I always battle with myself about this point a lot.  How does God see me ? A lot of times, I hold myself back from doing certain things when I remember if I do this how does I appear to God and you know, lot of times, I just bite my tongue or grind my teeth and even then sometimes, my carnal natures slips through my fences. I keep watching my steps and watching my words and more importantly watching my motivation. While I do insist on going the second mile like Jesus has asked us to, I also don’t think He wants me to throw pearls before swine. God asks us to use our brain and discern the situation and stay clear of unbelievers and mockers.

So, how does God see me ?

When I stand before God, and I know and He knows, I have nothing to offer and He still loves me the same; i’m not worthy of His love; and it makes me grateful and humble. It’s sometimes hard for me to accept this as I definitely don’t deserve His mercies.

What am I really ? God gives us certain talents and skills and while using them to improve our lives, we also should use them to improve others as well and more importantly to glorify God with those talents. Serving God with everything we do irrelevant our situation or our personal feelings.

In the midst of our failed attempts at loving Jesus, His grace covers us… I am truly dedicated to rejuvenating the timeless Gospel in this digital age through honesty and truth, His truth … and I am a beautiful tale. We are all beautiful tales.

We can’t keep thinking about the state we were in when Jesus found us. It doesn’t matter how many times we fall, but it matters, how many times we took hold of His hand to rise up. God sees us as what we could be, if we let ourselves go and let God mold us. We all are blessed with certain skills and certain talents. How we use them is how we tell our stories…

As usual, God sent in my inbox about this point answering my question. God sees us how we would be if we choose to follow Him..


And thank God for this !

There is an unmoveable, unshakeable God that guides us through darkness and uncertainty. He invites us to take courage in His company.

“God has a work, a purpose, in the life of each and all of us. Every act, however small, has its place in our life experience. We must have the continual light and experience that come from God.” God’s Amazing Grace, p.311…  Ellen G. White

Psalm 18:30-36

“As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.

For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God?

It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.

He maketh my feet like hinds’ feet, and setteth me upon my high places.

He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.

Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.

Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.”

With His right hand He sustains me and He stoops down (to gather me) and to make me great. We are loved and He demonstrates it every day; in every sunset, in a rainy afternoon, a starry night; and yes, even in the deaths of my loved ones and my son.

Who I am in Christ’s eyes is more important than who I am in other people’s eyes. (Colossians 1: 3-4)

I’m laying my future at His feet.

I’m laying my passions at His feet.

I’m laying my desire to have a family at His feet.

I am breaking my alabaster box at His feet, letting it’s contents flow in sacrifice for the One who gave it all as I have nothing to offer to Him.