Here’s to my future and yours as well… So after many many agonizing months, I am finally walking away from this job which I should have done many moons ago. I am saddened because I like my boss very much, but he can only do so much for me and I am an arrogant and adamant brat, way too expensive in terms of salary and so… but this is good and I have no regrets. This experience is valuable as I was telling my friend “good news” girl. She was quite hurt and pained by my decision but we will still be friends as we have all these wonderful plans to help the homeless.

I’ve great memories tho. The experience made me grow, changed my life, made me hopeful, and made me see things in a different light, and I met great people, like my boss, and my friends who I hang out with and I also met really really nasty people and I also gained experience in holding my own and not succumbing to evilness. Pats on my back.

I started feeling as though I am in an abusive relationship and you know me…. I’d never put myself in that position. Also, recently a young woman messaged me on tumblr asking me to pray for her abusive boyfriend. And I did explain to her, that I will and I did but that she needs to run as far as possible from that guy and then pray for him as well.

Life is really strange and it twists and turns but I am sure as long as God is in control, everything is cool. I am actually excited about this as I am free, and also as I am thinking, perhaps, I can pursue things which interest me most and excite me most.

Like the health message seminars and free community clinics, in December which I organized at my church. I have invited this very passionate doctor, who is a vegan and he is gonna come and talk about how to take good care of ourselves and our bodies.

God finally answered my prayers and said no to my ivf quest and so I’ve decided I am gonna adopt a child (a girl) and so, I am looking forward to actually going to file papers I am thinking… barring this I may have to find a guy with a child

Working on my projects: setting up research and fundraising to produce cheaper malarial drugs and working on homeless problem in the city. Idk how much of impact I’ll have, but I will keep telling God to use me and I am sure He will make way for me.

My boy who likes blue walls has been distant lately, but I am thinking if I tell him, it should be ok or maybe he still would say no and either way it’s ok and I am thinking autumn is to say goodbyes and winter is to forget and spring is to have rebirths.

But, how do I do this to you, my lovely boy who likes blue walls and green eyes ? How am I supposed to pretend I never want to see you again ??

Think of me as a love letter between your fingers. Cradle me and caress me. Imagine that my spine is aged with a love that is older than my time on this earth. That my corners crinkle when I blush and that the creases in my body are similar to the scars on my thighs – I ‘ve been folded in two, in four. I do not always fit my surroundings. Imagine that I am that ink stain that rests on your fingertips and that I carry permanent promises when you mark me and that I am carved on paper and on bark, on bare walls and on crowded skies.

That I am here for you to read on your loneliest nights. Imagine that I weave my love through my words when I am not there to weave my fingers through yours or toss your hair. That there is so much to say that my sentences run off the page. That despite this, I am always ready to sign “Yours” with a steady hand. I am always ready to love you with a confident heart.

Think of me as a love letter between your fingertips. Come kiss and open my lines. Remember that I am written in a language just for you, sometimes digitally, and that I stutter more when I write than when I speak – I am still learning how to use certain words when you are around. Be patient with me. Know that my love screams louder than the pauses between unfinished syllables, the same way that it is more prominent than the miles between our souls and bodies. Come and say hello to me and share your story with me; teach me to be unassuming and unflinching.

Forget the past, the parties and the stories. Forget what I said. Forget what I did.  Forget anything you thought you knew about me.This is me now, and that’s all I can give you.

Can’t we just start from here ?

In any event and more importantly, I want you to be hopeful as much as I am for the better days to come and I am very excitedly thinking (and hoping) that you will be in them.

Kiss kiss kitten (or a lion. your choice)  !

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