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Even when I am weak, God is the one who prevails.

Do you have any idea how good it feels when God keeps on reminding me with this over and over again ? “Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine” Isaiah 43:1

I’m ecstatic !

God has a purpose for me. I believe that. More so today than a couple of years ago. I also believe that He made me go through so many things in my life and I am still going through so many things to bend me, mold me and get me ready. God placed me here for some reason. Otherwise, I keep thinking and wondering. Surely existence cannot be that mere temporary and linear timeline of 70 or 80 or even 100 years or so. We are not made to just be born and just go through the normal process of living, if you could call it living.

If human existence is defined by achievements, we will never be satisfied. We just keep wanting more of everything, because of the innate desire within us to pursue more, such as money and power. But what use is it if we gain the world but lose our soul ? All the things which we think give us happiness are not permanent. Love fades, money can disappear, beauty crumbles… so what are we really ? If we are defined by the lifestyle we lead, like the house we own and the jobs we hold, that only leads us into the comparison trap. The moment we start comparing we are lost Think about it.  We are so much in a hurry to get by in life, we forget that patience calls us to take it slow, and just live.

Living as compared to existence – there is a fundamental difference. Living is leading life with a purpose; irrelevant of what anyone thinks or anyone cares; you live the way you want to.

Existence is just holding on to life. And yet, most of the people just exist. Occupy space and skin and deplete oxygen.

Life is a process. It’s not easy, but when we choose life instead of existence; we find that there is so much to live for. Every single person is here for a reason. And God has a reason for us to exist.

The dark days and challenges only make us stronger people if we choose to pick ourselves up, forgive ourselves and keep going. I don’t know how it is like for every single person, because everyone is so unique, facing differing sets of trials and circumstances. But all I say is, keep going. Press on. Patience and perseverance goes hand in hand. And they lead the way to hope.

Recently my work life became something of a challenge and the problem of it all is I am dealing with Bible preaching Christians.. nothing is sadder than someone who hold Bible in one hand and boldly ignores what’s in it and plots and lies and try and destroy my reputation. I spent days and nights grinding my teeth and I was ready to quit and God won’t let me quit. I am like why ? I want to serve you, but this is not worth it. I am not perfect but I am choosing to serve you and wanting to have a closer walk with you and here I am in the midst of a fire storm and I am not sure I got it in me and if I were that strong.

Few months ago, I was happy thinking that Yes, I am in the right place and I am gonna serve the Lord ! And then this happens. And again, God prohibits me to even talk about what I was going through and yet I found myself in my boss’ office and he was nice. He read my face and honestly I was fatigued and I am like ‘this is not worth it; I might as well go and preach to cannibals and get eaten in the process’.

And we had a big meeting… where I was again called into the office and after everything happened, as God prohibited me to talk, I just talked about myself and what my role was and what I felt. c’est tout ! my boss was kind and he was like you just be yourself ! and I want to be the judge and see what you are going through. That was tremendous and it was enough. Because you see, I just started like 4 months ago and my boss & the other two parties were there more than 15 years and I was convinced no one would believe me and of course, one guy didn’t believe me. He thought I was making up and was assuming things. But he has no clue as well because he hears only one side of the story and never mine. But God is my judge and He will vindicate me.

Truth always sets you free. One may think they are being cute by bending the truth here a little, and there a little; but God sees everything. And dear reader, please don’t misunderstand me… I am not perfect. But I am truthful. I fear God and I never want to do anything which displeases Him. I have my faults but I am always fair because God is my judge and His eye is always on me… admonishing me, chastising me and making me walk in His ways. It took me a long time and many many falls, but I am here and I am walking ever so closely with Him and He is faithful and He is keeping me close to Him.

Patience is hard thing. I have no patience and I have very short temper and God is straightening me in these aspects. While I do pity the person who is involved in this, I don’t have any hatred and actually I am sad because at one point I had respect for this person.

And I have to persevere. To borrow the words of Paul, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

I vented to my friend from church who knows my past and what I have gone through, and we prayed the day before the meeting happened. She said, is this job important to you ? I said yes of course, but at what cost ? I am not gonna become someone who is not ie a non-christian or worse a nominal Christian. I have spent a lifetime being that and I grew up and here I am, on my knees to serve my Lord and Savior and nothing or no one can stop me. I told her what happened in the meeting as she and I were discussing and agreed that the best thing to do is not talk about others, which of course God pointed out as well. See my previous post “He calls me lovely”

She sent me this text today telling me to be careful and not become one of them: “Many who sincerely consecrate their lives to God’s service are surprised and disappointed to find themselves as never before, confronted by obstacles and beset by trials and perplexities. They pray for Christlikeness of character, for a fitness for the Lord’s work, and they are placed in circumstances that seem to call forth all the evil of their nature. Faults are revealed of which they did not even suspect the existence” Ellen G. White Ministry of Healing, p 470 and also “See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all”. 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Agreed !! Yes ? And God has been saying that to me as well… Do you have any idea how hard it is to control myself when I wanted to say all the things I could be saying ? But thank the Lord, He holds me up and makes me stronger than my flesh and I am saved by His amazing grace and nothing and no one is gonna separate me from Him and His love and His plans for me.

I was a prodigal daughter… Being patient in life can mean many things. In the rough and tough seasons, it could mean completely surrendering to God’s plan. In the process of life, it could simply be taking it one step at a time and treasure the process – the good and the worst. It could be as simple as slowing down to take a moment, rather than rush through the day. It could mean keeping silent for the sake of listening to another. It could mean giving the prodigal a second chance, over and over again…

And in doing so, we persevere, I persevere. Step by step, day by day. And our character is forged and refined as we encounter afresh the hope of God, and learn to live in the fullness of His love.

And more importantly to continue to remember “If God be for us, who can be against us?” !! Romans 8:31

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