at my happiest

Finally August has ended. How are you doing, Shanthi ?

I woke up at 2:30 a.m. as my boy Sonu wanted to cuddle with me and he pestered me till I woke up and grabbed him and put him in the crook of my arms. Sometimes I feel a bit confused as I go to bed with one set of cats and I wake up to another set of cats. I went back to sleep and when I woke up it was late (6 a.m.) and I woke up to see all my babies sitting on the floor and slightly tapping their tails as if to say, “it’s late”. Sonu brought me a cicada as a present and left it at my feet and I almost squished the poor bug and after regaining my balance I put him out in the garden. People think that I have good balance because I am a ballet dancer, but I personally think I got good balance because I am always tripping on my babies and their presents and their toys and also I am clumsy and I’ll trip over nothing.

After her breakfast, my girl Bastet wanted to check all the cupboards in the kitchen and I took her up in my arms and opened all the cupboards and shelves and pantry in my kitchen so she could inspect. She does that at least once a month and I still haven’t figured out why except that one time I locked her up in one of the cupboards for a whole day as I didn’t know she had gone in that cupboard and I was at that time commuting every day to NYC for work (I’d leave at 4:30 a.m. and get home around 11 p.m.). When she finally got released from the cupboard she complained an entire hour walking after me and meowing (my babies don’t talk unless they needed to tell me things) and I apologized A LOT…

I attempted at vacuuming and I either broke the vacuum or I just don’t know how to vacuum as nothing got sucked into the collector but interestingly the path was clear but I don’t see the dust in the collector. I need to find the manual I think. I’m getting annoyed as my cell phone is making all these dinging noises as somebody added me to a f#$%ing group on whatsapp and they are chatting away about things and I am like why ? And oh my cell phone is on the dresser and I’m on the bed and as yours truly is very lazy and so she’s not getting up to go and switch off the noise.

I’m thinking of throwing my curtains open & getting out of bed, not think about anything too much, sitting down with my cats, reading reading reading, no slip ups, writing writing writing, starting things on time, no anxieties, netflixing,  being sure of myself, rainy afternoon (god I hope so), allowing myself to be vulnerable, thinking thinking thinking, sleeping properly, eating properly, not worrying too much and knowing that, in the end, I’ll be okay because I’m Shanthi and that’s just what I do. The cartoon is an accurate depiction of my life when I’m at my happiest.

Last night my friend Jared and I went to a folk song concert and we ended up in a residential area (I drove and we were expecting a café or something) and I insisted that this is the right place and Jared said “Shanthi you are stark raving mad”…. But it was the right address as it was a house concert and it’s in the living room and I giggled and ate some vegetarian chili and it was really awesome. I really need to stop chasing other people’s pets around and screaming “get back in here and love me dammit”. While I was driving Jared home, I died laughing as he made all the b#$wjob jokes he can think of and I OD’d on the musique of Pascal Obispo.

I am consistently thankful that I have these opportunities where I meet strangers from across the country, share some stories over tea (I love stories) and remember how many beautiful people carry sparks of passion with them & reignite ancient memories wherever they go. Last night was my “Midnight in Paris”…  It was a surreal night & I haven’t finished talking about it……

Sometimes my life is just dumb, hilarious and sweet and I’m feeling creative again and it doesn’t even have to be poetry and I just want to let go and I’m wondering what am I holding on to for and I’m just a girl with wounded poems, sad songs and brilliant laughs.

Bye Bye August, Hello September

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