My mother died today (I almost quoted Camus (Stranger) ““Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I can’t be sure.”

It left me numb and sad. I went to work anyway. I can’t sit with my thoughts and greet my old friend grief.My mother was in India and I can’t go now as I haven’t made my passport and so I have to watch her funeral with video conferencing. Small blessings these technologies. It doesn’t matter if you are ten or 100 and if your parents die, you feel it. My heart is like a swiss cheese now with all these loved ones dying and chipping away a piece of my heart and leaving me with holes shaped like them… I have my dad shaped hole, my mum shaped hole, the holes shaped like Jean-Claude and Julien; a baby hole of my son; and several paw shaped holes; a couple of bird shaped ones and a lot of fish shaped holes.

My mother is my role model growing up and I’m feminist because of my mum and also a little bit because of my dad (he taught me to be tough like a girl and do whatever I want to like play soccer, tennis, and he also was the reason why I love to read books). How can I appreciate this woman who gave birth to me ? As I grew up, I began to understand the love she has showered upon us, the sacrifices she has made, the hard choices she has had to make so that we could have the best. She’s the one who has been unselfishly happy for us through every moment of joy or victory and she’s the one who’s felt our sorrow through every moment of hardship in our lives.

God set a commandment to honor our parents, right after the four commandments about God. Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” -Exodus 20:12

I didn’t always honor them but they were patient with me to grow into my skin and become mature and responsible. My mother was tough and she punished us when we needed it and kissed and made it better when we were hurt. I love her in my own peculiar way and I know I didn’t always have a wonderful relationship with her. But she was my mum and I love her. She loved us with the warmth of a sunbeam and in her caresses we were safe.

She sometimes was selfish, mean, rude, sarcastic, conceited,  extremely strict, and also she was the sweetest, kindest, loving, honest, cooked whether she felt like it or not, and most beautiful mother in the whole world. Well, look at me, I got her looks ! I’m so blessed. Sure, she got on my nerves from time to time, and I’m convinced that God wants us to know how to climb up the walls and so He gave that power to mothers, who can perfectly make you climb up the walls; but that doesn’t change the fact that I still love her.

Growing up and being raised by her for almost 18 years, have been the best and less best years of my life. When I come home from school, she was there with her bright smile on her face. When I’m hungry, she was there to feed me all her wonderful home-made dishes. Fast foods were never on her menu. When I’m covered in cuts and bruises, and I was a tomboy and climbing trees, and getting all kinds of scrapes, she was there to make it all better. When I needed a mom, she was always there with her hugs and kisses. Even when I didn’t always get along with her, she was still there.  With all my love and respect for her, I’m glad to say that my first role model in my life is my mom. I love you, mumma and I thank you for this life ! And I’ll miss you and hopefully we will meet again soon !!

#whose lap will i sleep on now ?