I was speaking with God yesterday. I didn’t have much to say. I was just talking in fragments, not making much sense, most of it is in fact, nonsense. I was telling Him of how He should have done some things; oh, like the color of the sky. Instead of boring blue, maybe it could have been radical green or may be a neon pink. And why the streams always need to flow towards the ocean ? Why can’t they flow and fly up to a mountain ? I think all animals should come with glitter and in bright colors and glow in the dark. And they should be able to smile if they want to. May be my kitty cats or little bunnies too. Then I would have had someone to smile back at and tell them how pretty they look. And the clouds, why must they be up so high ? why can’t they float just a little low and come with a string for me to tow ?

I was also asking Him, why do I have to be born ? Couldn’t I just be a stone instead of a human ? What purpose did He see in me to be placed here on this round rock? After all, I’m made from specks of dust in the great vastness of nothingness. God looked boringly at me, with a hint of smile subtitled, silly Shanthi, and just shrugged His shoulders slightly and said to me ‘I thought you would make a difference; in the scenery of this nothingness. may be just a speck of sparkle in this great vastness.  If only you could hold yourself together and not let go of my hand.’

I was walking with God yesterday. He didn’t have much to say. I was quiet and I wasn’t holding His hand. He was silent with His hand outstretched in an invitation. I think He’s sad. I know I’m sad. We sat together side by side, in our solitude, and in our sadness; me staring into the oblivion and Him, gazing at me with love and affection.

#mon dieu, n’oubliez pas que je vous aime