sometimes i’m poetically boring; sometimes, i lose myself in dreams of days filled with nothing but cats, books & musique; living & breathing the things which captivate me the most. sometimes i invite loneliness with open arms; sometimes i just want to watch miyazaki movies and eat crème brûlée; sometimes i want quiet affection; sometimes i want to be an intimate stranger with someone; sometimes i want to float away into oblivion; sometimes i want to follow the white rabbit; sometimes i want him to whisper my name; sometimes i want him to need me, want me and love me; sometimes i want him to bring me back into existence; how can he weave himself into my life without my permission ? it’s amazing the way lives of total strangers intersect with one another and fall into each other.
i don’t mind you being so far away but the loneliness is screaming around me… i just want to sit in silence next to you and breathe you in and i want you to breathe me in… without even walking together we share moments and things we silently experience… i’d relax utterly & drape myself around you….. we are not bound by gold oh my darling, but we are bound by our souls…. i’ll delight in your gentleness… it’s wonderful but it’s scary. i conflict between sober practicality and a yearning for love, pleasure and emotional satisfaction.
i feel delicate. i search for you in the colors & i smile when i recognize you; i no longer want to know what’s your favorite color is, but i hope you notice the color i bleed for you; if i could, i’d paint my body blue to house you in; if i could, i’d capture you and i’d paint you in water colors and i’d paint you in heavens; if i could, i’d bloom into flowers of purple and gold; if i could, i’d peel my eyes green; if i could, i’d print my skin in braille for you to trace me with your fingers. do you see now why every kitten needs her wolf ? dear boy, you got a quiet fire. i’m glad to have met you.