The Lord Liveth !

My life & learning to surrender to His Will


If Jesus lived today, he would smell like smoke.

Whether it be from pot or from cigarettes or whatever else can be smoked, Jesus would smell like it. Not because he would partake in it himself, but because he would go out of his way to go to where the smokers were. He would go to them and be with them, get to know them and show them that they are worthy of love and that they can be saved from whatever they’re running from.

Jesus would know the sensation of stale beer drying on his shirt because somebody forgot to put their drink down before they hugged him. He’d never get drunk but he might have one beer, maybe two, socializing as he got to know the regulars at the bar. The ones who found their way there day after day, hearts too heavy to do anything but numb the pain. He’d go there and listen to their stories and help carry their burdens, lift them off their shoulders. He would be the person that everybody knew—knew was safe, knew was loving, knew would listen. The bartender would call him the ‘unofficial shrink’, and Jesus would smile and order another glass of water, ready to drive home whoever would need it that night.

He’d know the feel of gauze beneath his fingers as he wrapped it around a friend’s bleeding wrist. He wouldn’t ask, wouldn’t pry, just patiently clean and treat it with careful, calming touches. The story would eventually come tumbling out in the bathroom and Jesus would draw them close, hugging tightly, and do whatever he could to find the best help available when asked, when needed.

He would know the drained, yet relieved, morning after feel the day after (of?) a three a.m. phone call from a person who was desperate, because they didn’t know who else they could turn to. He would know the days when one cup of coffee isn’t enough to wake him up, where two cups of coffee almost doesn’t do it either, but the lethargy and the headache and the bags under his eyes are worth it because the person he was talking to is okay. He would do it again in a heartbeat, too.

He would always have somebody staying in his spare bedroom—if he wasn’t staying in somebody else’s spare bedroom himself. He knows what it is to be without a roof over his head, without a blanket to pull over his cold body, and he would do whatever he could to make sure others didn’t need to experience it—even just for a night. He’d keep an eye out for help wanted ads and help his friends on the street with their resumes and pay for their haircut and nice clothing for the interview, and he’d buy them dinner after whether they got the job or not.

He would know the need to go and grab another box of kleenex as the person at his kitchen table can’t help but cry at the feeling of not being enough, of needing to change themselves before people would love them, before they would be accepted. He would know the heave of their shoulders beneath his hand as he comforted them, reassured them that they are enough, that they are wonderful and beautiful and amazing and loved. So, so loved.

He would know the feeling of a tight bank account, not because he doesn’t know how to manage his finances, but because there are other people who need it more. Who need food for their families and clothing for their children and money for their rent. He would give of himself and build relationships with these people, connections with them, encouraging them to keep going. To keep striving. That life isn’t out to get them, and that they can succeed.

He would know the pain of a harsh word, thrown at him by a hurting soul, and he would stand tall and take it because sometimes a broken heart just needs to shout.

If Jesus lived today, he would smell like smoke. Not because he approves or because he doesn’t care, but because he knows that to love isn’t just being pleasant to other people and giving them a smile, it’s crawling into the trenches with them.

(credit: 31women) Not mine

Happy Sabbath !

sabbath 6-2-2017

Amen and Happy Sabbath, children of the most high God !

Manchester By the Sea

Manchester By the Sea is incredible in the most understated way. I was smiling at first because there is this vast contrast where there is classical music (loved it) in the background against this pure coarse language and at first it seems like it should be this extremely over-acted dramatic film, and instead it just felt like I was invading someone’s actual life by being there in the background. I didn’t actually laugh or cry, but spent watching the movie feeling and being numb at the same time. I was brought back to my own memories of that kind of overwhelming grief and brutal realism that’s so powerful and you have no idea how to even deal with it and your heart keeps panging and tears wells out of one of your eyes. Casey Affleck says a million words without speaking. There is such an understanding of real grief, and it made the whole film so cathartic. It cut me like a knife and was a relief at the same time to let grief wash over me. Throughout the movie, there was a huge lump in my throat to accompany my sore throat. It was drastic, subtle but yet honest grief, which reduces you to depression where it’s more than sadness but the numbness that consumes one and isolates you from others, going through life on autopilot feeling nothing… but what made the movie most different and realistic was that it didn’t end with the protagonist bouncing back to their old self like their pain was nothing, but showing that not everyone is capable of moving on easily. There should be warning labels reminding people like me that such movies may remind you that we are human beings !

Peace !

sabbath 5-26-17

“Holiness is not rapture: it is an entire surrender of the will to God; it is living by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God; it is doing the will of our heavenly Father; it is trusting God in trial, in darkness as well as in the light; it is walking by faith and not by sight; it is relying on God with unquestioning confidence, and resting in His love.” Acts of the Apostles, p. 51

“Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord.” Hebrews 12:14

Happy Sabbath !!

Shabbat Shalom !

sabbath 5-19-17

I worked from home today as I was sick, but I did take breaks and went into my garden. And somedays it’s all about getting down on your knees and admiring the beauty of flowers I haven’t planted and I think no one celebrates the return of the sun like a simple dandelion. These little ones teach us that life is a glorious masterpiece and we should live in colours and acknowledge the Creator ! Happy Sabbath, everyone !

“But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.” Psalms 13: 5, 6


sabbath 5-12-17

God is love ! Happy Sabbath family !


So… I’ve been putting off state inspection for my car and I only remember it when I see a police car on my travels and then I cringe and hastily mutter to myself….”don’t let him notice my sicker”… so far it worked.. but today was a long day and after sabbath worship services, and lunch, I was getting home from church and I got stopped and I knew what he was stopping me for, as I wasn’t speeding for a change, much to my misery (do you know how boring it is to drive at prescribed speed limit ?), due to heavy traffic. But today is Sabbath and I was like oh no I am gonna get ticket, as I always make it a point that no one works for me like landscapers, house cleaners, handymen, etc. during sabbath hours and I’ve fired landscapers for that reason as well. And so when the police came up to me and he is like.. “my name is ….  and I’m recording audio-visually, etc.” and I didn’t quite catch that and I’m like what did you say ? you went too fast  and he actually laughed out loud and went slower this time and is like… you know your state inspection sticker is expired, why is that ? I went “because I’ve been forgetting in general until I see a police car” and then I proceeded to tell him, can you please not give me a ticket as today is Sabbath and went into the general discourse about my Sabbath rules. I am pretty sure he thought I was crazy but he went back to his car to do the routine whatever they do, after looking at my registration and insurance and came back with a form and told me that I need to get the inspection done in 15 business days and I’m like what is the date of the 15th business day and he is like I don’t have a calendar to which I wrinkled my nose and he is like “or I can give you a ticket”… le bastard ! so I got the form and he is like “do you have any questions for me” to which we both stared at each other and we laughed so hard the passing cars positively slowed down to look at us …… !

Shalom !

sabbath 5-5-17

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well – Psalms 139:14

No matter how intellectually connected we are to the Scripture, that connection has no power except through the blessing of the Holy Spirit. And that blessing is only obtained through worship and prayer. And also Jesus is our best…and sometimes, ….. the only friend.

Sabbath blessings to us all !


And now for something different….

So Thursday evenings are one long race trying to get things done as I usually spend my Friday evenings preparing meals for Sabbath before sun goes down… so Thursdays it’s like go home, feed kids, eat dinner, go food shopping for them, food shopping for me (usually for Sabbath meals), get gas in the car, deposit the shopping at the house, take the rubbish to the curb for the rubbish people, run to ballet class, go to gym for an hour, go home, shower and get in bed… but today when I went home I had no food to consume and so I decided I’ll drop by my local pub (I haven’t been here before) and pick something up and so I marched in and then I realized I forgot my glasses and so I asked the girl to read the menu for me… she is like where are your glasses….. and I pointed out my car to her and am like do you see those blinking lights… that’s my car and the glasses are inside… after she and I laughed a good five mins, I ordered a veggie burger and I am pleased to say that 1. The veggie burger was edible 2. This is a newly opened pub and I can walk to it. 3. I can have nice Irish tea sitting outside on the roadside as I swear I’ll get buzzed just by inhaling the alcoholic fumes inside the pub. I always wanted an English tea shop at the end of a road near my house, this is no English tea shop but close enough !

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